Purpose Driven Moms

About a year ago, I woke up at three o'clock in the morning with "Purpose Driven Moms" in my head. I jumped out of bed and ran to the computer to see if there was a domain name available. I was shocked to see that it was available, given the fact that it seems EVERY mom related .com is already taken! I bought it and went back to bed.

Over the last year, I've been trying to understand what "Purpose Driven Moms" looks like. Here's what I do know and what threw me out of the bed in the first place:

Women have a certain identity and then they become moms.  Becoming a mom is an amazing gift that comes with so much responsibility. Many of us want to be the BEST mom that we can be for our children. It's so easy for us to become consumed in living out the BEST mom role, that often times we slowly lose ourselves and our identity beyond our role as mom.

My belief is that while many may feel that their purpose in life IS to be a mom, we all have a divine purpose beyond that role. Being a mother may very well be the most important role a woman ever has, but she is also born with so many gifts that shouldn't go untapped!

One day, those precious little ones grow up, move out and start living their own lives. Many moms then take a step back and say "now what?" They've poured themselves so much into motherhood that they don't know who they are, what they enjoy, what they're good at and what they should fill their time with. Many know this phase in life as "empty nest syndrome!"

It's so easy to get stuck on auto pilot and just move through life filling time. I believe that we're all born with a purpose and it's our responsibility to seek all of it and pursue it. You've heard it before, but in your final days, how will you reflect on what you've done with your life? Did you live it to the fullest? Did you accomplish what you felt you were here to accomplish?

Purpose Driven Moms is about awakening women to take a look within and get to know themselves; identify their interests, their gifts, their dreams and desires. It's about supporting and empowering women to take action and implement change; shed what's not working and absorbing time and energy, then dedicating time to what's fulfilling and energizing by serving their purpose.

Purpose Driven Moms is about creating better balance in life. It's all about being intentional about what makes up one's life.

A Purpose Driven Mom is happy, healthy, thriving and offering the very best of what she has to offer her family.

That's a snippet, but I'm STILL trying to determine how I'm supposed to be spreading this message and impacting the lives of MANY moms! I'm open to feedback and ideas!

My Mess is My Message

I've been wanting to write about this for a while now, but have held off because that would mean getting SUPER real and letting my panties show a little bit (as Suzanne Evans might put it)!

I recently realized that everything I'm experiencing in my life is preparing me to work with and impact the lives of other women. I've known for a while that I'm supposed to be working with women, but I didn't understand exactly why or in what capacity. I've really prayed on that so I can understand what God is asking me to do while I'm here. Slowly, it's becoming clear!

Do you ever feel like you’re living two lives?

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. On the surface, everything is going pretty well. I have to acknowledge that I’m truly blessed. And most days, I give thanks for those blessings - I have a fun, loving husband that truly is my best friend and beautiful baby boy that makes me laugh every day. I have security in the roof over my head and the unconditional love of two dogs that have been there through every phase of the last ten years of my life. I find comfort and peace in all of that.

Now, I’m about to get super real. Ready?

Even though I have what others might long for, I still have this feeling of misalignment, feelings of stress and overwhelm, feelings of inadequacy and even failure at times.  I’ve been giving a lot of thought to all of this over the last couple months. I’ve been feeling guilty for having these feelings. How could I feel this way when there’s so much to be grateful for? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be happy and satisfied with what I’ve been given? Why do I long for more?

Let me dig into this a bit. When I was pregnant with Brady, I was nervous about how my life was going to change. Part of me was looking forward to staying home with him, but the other part of me knew that I didn’t know how to not work. I’ve been working and collecting a paycheck since I was fourteen years old. I’ve learned that losing that paycheck makes me feel like I’ve lost some control and my voice when it comes to spending. A lot of my identity has been wrapped up in the work that I was doing. Intellectually, I know that’s not true, but what a tough mindset to break. I came to realize it was time to get used to a new role that doesn’t come with a paycheck to acknowledge my value. Now that’s an adjustment!

Throughout this time at home with Brady, learning how to be a mom and manage a household, I’ve come to recognize that I’m not very good at this. I get stressed over things that shouldn’t matter a whole lot, like never ending mounds of laundry, constant dishes in the sink or left around the house waiting to go into the dishwasher, little stacks of miscellaneous clutter that hasn’t found a suitable home, and planning nutritious meals. I feel like I’m failing at managing and maintaining all of these things, one because I loathe these tasks that are never-ending and two because I might have undiagnosed A.D.D which makes it difficult for me to complete a task before getting caught up in another one.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom to Brady. I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to watch and be a part of every phase of his growth at this point. I know that I’m a good mom to him. He knows that he is loved. He is smiling and happy, rarely fussy. He is well fed, kept clean, entertained and engaged. I know that I’m not depriving him of anything. I can feel good about that – but, I know that I’m depriving his mom of things that stimulate her and remind her of her gifts and value.

At the end of the day, many times I’m left feeling like an inadequate, sloppy housewife. I wonder when it’s my turn to do something that is stimulating and recharges my battery a little bit. Here’s an example, often times I wish I had more time to put toward the Naperville Moms Network. I’m really passionate about developing this space for women in our community. I am contributing here, but not at the level I believe I should be. I don’t know how to ignore this calling, nor do I want to.

My husband tries to tell me that if I would just find contentment in being Brady’s mom and his wife, I would be a lot less stressed, juggling less and find happiness. Sadly, I know that this simply isn’t true. I wasn’t built or wired to just be Brady’s mom and his wife. I have a purpose beyond those roles and while I’m thankful for those roles and enjoy many aspects of them, they don’t complete or define me.

I have been conflicted with determining how to be what’s expected of me and also step into the person that I’m called to be. I fully believe that there’s a way to be the wife and mom I want to be and also be the individual I was put on this earth to be. There has got to be a way to fulfill my purpose beyond my role as mom and still be a great mom.

So, I haven’t cracked the code, but when I do, my big mess will be my message to other women walking in my shoes. Surely, I’m not the only one!

Trib Local Naperville

I'm sitting at my kitchen table with tissues plugging my nose (second illness this month), trying to think of what to write for Trib Local. All I really want to do is write about the fact that I'm still in disbelief that Trib Local would like for me to submit some of my blog posts for their weekly newspaper distributed in Naperville. 

(Wait, was the tissue part too much information?!) I was going to vlog today, but I'm way too stuffy to be in front of a video camera.

Anyway, last Thursday, I went to a Naper Tweet-Up which doubled as a Trib Local community event. I had heard of Trib Local before, but didn't fully understand how it worked. It's an insert to the Chicago Tribune that is distributed weekly covering community happenings in each suburb. There are a few articles included by Tribune staff, but the paper is primarily content that has been submitted online from various people in the community. Honestly, it's a brilliant way to increase interest and readership. I can't believe I wasn't aware of what a huge resource this is for the community. How crazy is it that an average joe like me can submit information about my Naperville Moms Network events and possibly have my content show up in the paper?! I think that's pretty awesome!

So, the real dilemma is that although I realize a few eyes might glance over this blog randomly from time to time, I don't really promote it or list it out there to get lot's of attention. I'm just not sure I'm ready to put myself out there like that (yet). So many of my posts are crazy embarrassing. This is sort of my dumping ground; my place to sort of look in the mirror and laugh at myself and my life. I don't know what the distribution for Trib Local Naperville is, but I'm pretty sure that's A LOT of people!

I told my dad the other day about this. I was kind of excited to share that the paper was interested in having me submit some of my stories (not sure which ones), but whoa! My dad was immediately like, "You're not actually going to do that, are you?" I was like, "What? Why would you say that?" Basically, he thinks that I would just be opening myself up to judgement, criticism and misrepresentation. Here I was, all excited to share this with him and he totally burst my bubble.

I guess dad might have a point, which is probably why I'm a little freaked out about actually submitting something, BUT I'm on this journey, trying to step out of my comfort zone, put myself out there for a greater purpose. That might sound a little cheesy, but I just feel that there have to be others out there that can relate to me on some level. There's nothing worse than feeling all alone! When you realize that there's someone out there walking in your shoes...or she's worn yours before, it's immediate comfort and validation. You feel like you can breathe again and move forward.

If I can positively impact even one person, then I suppose it's worth it. I think I'm going to do this!

Make It Happen Inspiration

I'm reading the September issue of O Magazine. This issue talks a lot about strong, powerful women. When I read the message from Oprah in the beginning of the issue, I thought "BAM, that's it. She said it! That's exactly what's rolling through my head."

"What I find powerful is a person with grace, with courage, with the confidence to be her own self and make things happen." - Oprah Winfrey

This quote articulates what I believe and what I envision for my Naperville Moms Network.

I know I haven't talked about that here yet. I've been trying to organize my thoughts and ideas on that for months now. It's pretty ridiculous that I have NOTHING on paper for it yet. It might have been a mistake (we'll see), but I went ahead and created the site, I haven't done much with it yet because I get so overwhelmed with where to begin. My mind is overflowing with ideas and aspirations. So much so, that I even have trouble verbally explaining everything I have in mind for NMN to where people will ACTUALLY understand the whole concept. I've gotta pull it together!

I can remember trying to pick a major and decide what I wanted to be growing up in college. The thought of determining a career that I would actually enjoy while also having a family one day really weighed on me. Can women really have it all? Can you have an enjoyable, successful career AND be a great mom and wife? My mom was an excellent example in my life. She's a teacher! It was nice because she had the afternoons off to be with us, holidays, summers. Every time we had off, she was there for us, yet she had a stable paycheck and was able to impact thousands of young lives. As a matter of fact, for many years, I wanted to be her. I thought what she did and the way she did it was the most amazing thing! Funny thing is, I let her talk me out of  following her path when I was going into college. She told me that she felt I could do something just as important and get paid better. Florida teachers are paid pathetically! It's a shame. I wish I knew the ratio of teachers leaving the classroom after a year or two down there when they consider their job versus what they're paid. It's really disgusting and sad when I think about it. Funny, Chicago area teachers are paid well. Had I known my future husband would have us living up here, I may have actually gone through with it! Ha!

Getting back to the point. I think it's difficult for women to decide what they "want to be when they grow up" when the consider the roles as "career woman" and "mom." How do you plan it out so that you can have it all? Maybe everyone doesn't hang on that question as much as I have, but for me, it has been a real struggle throughout my twenties.

There are those that don't really spend too much time on the question. They know that being Mom is number one. They work, then when it comes time to start their families, there goes the career. And that's okay, because all they've ever wanted is the husband, precious children and possibly the white picket fence. "I was born to be a mother" they say. "That's what I was put on this earth to do." That may very well be so and not to say that there's anything wrong with that mindset.... The one thing to keep in mind is that those precious children grow up and begin their own lives. What's left for that mother when their children leave the nest for college or marry off? Empty nest syndrome - I sure as heck didn't make it up! Women then struggle to determine their purpose, where they're needed and how they contribute. They're whole world has been wrapped up in their children and now what?

On the other end of the spectrum, we have those that are so eagerly career driven, that they have an entourage of people (nannies, grandparents, childcare centers, etc.) handling the daily care of their children. They might see the kids when they wake up or before bed, but don't always have the opportunity to share meals, make it to their sporting events or extra curricular activities. They aren't fully plugged into their children's lives. The years seem to pass by in a blink. All of the sudden, the children are off to college and there's no real relationship. The parental influence is not as significant as those that have had a hands on role in their child's upbringing.

Let me just say that in any scenario discussed, there's no judgment here. That's not the purpose. These are extreme stereotypes that exist in today's society. Obviously, not every mom falls into one box or the other. There's gray. I'm no psychologist, so I'm not trying to over analyze why people choose the path that they do, I'm just saying that I've seen or witnessed all of the extreme scenario's in the lives of people close to me. I've seen the damage it can have on women when they hit "mid life" and wish they would have done things a little differently.

We are all influenced in our beliefs about what we think our roles are and how we should fulfill them. I'm not trying to change that. I would like to bring an awareness to today's women, mothers in particular, about finding that balance, living at our individual optimum and truly having it all! I believe it. We really can have it all!

It's a matter of being mindful of our own needs. It's about recognizing our gifts, strengths, passions and purpose in our own lives. We only have one go at this (as far as I know)! We never know how much time we have. People have a tendency to put things off that they've always wanted to do, for a time that's better or when they have more money, whatever. We make excuses for why we don't have the things or elements in our lives that we truly desire. I'm not talking about material things either. That's just one piece. I'm talking about taking risks, putting ourselves out there when we're unsure, but have a longing for something. I'm talking about finding the time and making a few sacrifices for the hobbies and special interests in our lives. I'm talking about consciously making our individual health a priority. I'm talking about looking in the mirror and seeing what's really there. Not on the surface, but the whole person. Your spirit.

If we can be in touch with our true, authentic selves, I believe we can, as Oprah would say it, "live our best life." We can be better wives, moms, sisters, daughters, friends, teachers, mentors, and so on. The possibilities are endless! We can go and do things we would have never dreamed possible if we just allow ourselves the opportunity to dream a little bit and believe. Ultimately what I want, is that at the end of the day, not matter what age, we can sleep peacefully and comfortably in our own skin knowing that we're truly living. We're making it happen!