Fear Factor

I have to be honest, FEAR is still a factor for me! Cliches aside, I really am facing my fears HEAD ON day to day now. I feel like I'm definitely being tested, but at the same time, blessed. I know that might sound weird.

Opportunities are coming my way beyond what I could have dreamt for myself. I think this is probably the second time HUGE opportunities have come my way when I've least expected it. We're talking life changing!

The first time around was when my (now) husband walked into my life. We met on the beach in Florida on a day that neither one of us planned to go to the beach. Each of us, for our own reasons, tried to talk our way out of going. All I know is that I'm so thankful that fate convinced us both to show up that day and come together in the ocean. I know...who meets their future spouse IN the ocean?! Call me cheesy, but I do believe in fate, destiny and most definitely a higher power. No question! I look back now (especially now that my 8 week old son is here) and am completely blown away at where my life has taken me. We have a little wall hanging (that he would probably rather not have posted in our kitchen) that says, "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all." That sums it up PERFECTLY. I know we'll look back on our modest beginnings with thanks and the fondest of memories.

And now... I've been praying and asking for answers about how I'm supposed be contributing outside of my roles as wife and mother. I've been feeling this strong tug. It's difficult to explain. I can pin point the actual day everything started to feel different; March 6, 2009. It may have actually started the day before, but SUNK in on the 6th. Either way, I had this overwhelming sense that everything was shifting.

For one thing, I walked away from my job, which meant that I was walking away from a paycheck in the midst of one of history's biggest economic crashes. I knew that my life was about to change in a huge way...and not just because I was going to be giving birth in a couple months to our first child; even bigger than that! I've had this unexplained excitement and sense of optimism...even with all the fears I've always had. It isn't like they just lifted. As a matter of fact, I still have them.

I guess I would say that my mindset is changing. I realize now that life is incredibly short. We have no idea how much time we have to live the life we're MEANT to live. If I allow fear to hold me back, I will have failed. I will have wasted my days on the insignificant and missed out on my true purpose. I will have settled on mediocrity. I will end up leaving this earth with regret and unfulfilled destiny.

We hear about that all the time...people on their death beds with regret. Quotes about living like we're dying. It's not a new concept by any means, BUT my gut is really feeling it now. I'm uncomfortable. I GET IT! I HAVE to overcome these fears and pursue what I'm meant to do here on this earth.

I'm learning. It's becoming more and more clear, but one day at a time. I can't "fix" it all and create it all in a day. It's all about perspective. I'm feeling it though! Stay tuned!